CT Scan Cocktail Party

March 7, 2013
My Raspberry flavored contrast "beverage"
I was denied a side of chips and salsa

The last time I had a CT Scan and was required to chug me down some tasty Gastrografin was in December. Thursday was time for a follow up scan. 

This less than luscious contrast beverage is offered in a water base flavor (not recommended) or raspberry and laundry detergent flavor.  As much as I didn't look forward to the cocktail, it's not a big deal and isn't as terrible as other medical beverages I've downed.  A number of years ago I was prescribed a jug of the unbelievably vile cherry flavored GoLYTELY for colonoscopy prep.  I vomited most of it on my parents' den rug.  There isn't enough money in the world to make me ingest that horrific liquid again (I'm a far more sophisticated colonoscopy prepper now).  Comparatively speaking, Gastrografin is a piece of cake.

The CT Scan itself is a physically easy test.  All I have to do is lay still on a movable stretcher while a large donut takes images of my insides.   Emotionally however, I can easily become a wreck if I don't keep a constant watch on defeating, hope draining thoughts.  This CT scan is important.  Irrational, unfounded concerns can cause my mind to quickly spiral out of control, opening the gates to the devil's Depressionland playground.  Not a fun place.

Cancer's reminded me that evil doesn't take a break or call a time-out when a child of God is down.  Some days involve moments of emotional battle that can be simply exhausting, but ultimately victorious.  The only way I can survive is through prayer and scripture. 

I've learned to have very candid conversations with God (prayer), where I share it all - good and bad, with or without tears.   When I ask for help I usually ask for the kind of strength, wisdom and peace only He can give to help me stand on my situation.  Time and time again He's answered that prayer and each time oppression is replaced with renewed energy and joy.  I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, but I know God's with me whatever tomorrow brings.

Scripture reaffirms God's compassion, love and hope and I'll read it and recite it out loud.  When Jesus was in the wilderness for 40 days and the devil tried to tempt Him, Jesus called out the devil's lies by speaking scripture to his face (Matthew 4:1-11).  I had a moment at some point early on in treatment where the thought "God's forsaken Amy" swirled in my head.  As I considered starting my pity party, I thought about those 3 words - God's forsaken Amy.  Wait a second - That's a lie!  God said He would NEVER leave us or forsake us.  In fact, say it loud, say it proud, His words in Deuteronomy 31:6 were "be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."   Suddenly I had clarity and peace.  I had strength and felt fearless.  I had the urge, if I knew how to hunt demons and flush them down the toilet, to hunt that evil spirit, grab it by the back of the neck and flush it down the toilet.  And kick it's butt.  I would have kicked it a few times in the butt.


 Ephesians 6:10 - 17 - Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.