Just Trust

This week brought us a (drum roll please).....

TOTALLY UNEVENTFUL 

TREATMENT DAY!! 

My hemoglobin was at a 9, my port worked immediately and we were in and out in 4-5 hours.  Thank You Lord!!  The experience was dramatically different than previous weeks, most recently the week prior. 

God is certainly working on me and my imperfections and I am humbled and so thankful for His gentle instruction.  Last week He mercifully showed me another area I was lacking and needed His help with...

"Wakey, Wakey!!".  It was the day after Christmas.  Lou got me up a little after 5am.  Morning person I am not, especially when outside of my window, I see the same darkness as when I went to sleep.  I had to be at treatment by 7am, the same time the treatment facility's elevators start running.  To my delight, I was the 3rd patient to check in and by 7:30am I was called to phlebotomy for vitals.  At 9:30am my name was announced for chemo.  Lou and I quickly turned to each other, beaming from ear to ear, like two contestants on the Price is Right.  Did Johnny Olsen really just announce "AMY AND LOU COME ON DOOOOOWWWNNN!"?  I stood from my seat, began to walk forward and joking with another early bird patient, raised my arms in the air, a champion.  Maybe today's the day we can feel normal and go to Chinatown for veggie dim sum or afternoon tea when we're through.  The day is young!

Wait for it...

While I got comfortable in the private chemo room's recliner, my nurse reviewed my vitals.  I'll paraphrase and give you her Cliff's Notes. "Your hemoglobin is 7.6.  We want you at an 8.  Blah, blah blood transfusion (which takes 4 hours minimum) starts at 4:30pm. Blah, blah, let's also get a port study done at 2:30pm."

I wish I could say my first thoughts were "Great!  I'll have more energy after a transfusion" and "Yes!  Let's get down to the bottom of this port business."  But they weren't.  I waited for the nurse to leave the room before I started to cry.  Lou reassured me it was OK but in my mind, we were so close to just chemo'ing up and gettin' out.  You know when the little things start adding up and you feel like you're hitting your breaking point?  Physically I was exhausted and emotionally at that moment, I felt alone, bound in an imaginary straitjacket, struggling to get out. God, I just wanted a fun day with my husband. 

Hey Princess - Yes, I'm talking to me.  Today isn't a punishment, it's for my own good!  Zephaniah 3:17 - The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.  Am I trusting God as much as I think I am?  Do I understand that He's in control of this entire trial, down to the tiniest details?  Have I really been giving this all to God? 

Apparently, no. 

I'm the toddler giving her Father her broken toy to fix, and then rushing back to take it from His hands when He doesn't fix it as fast as baby girl thinks He should - even though it will remain broken in her own incapable hands.  OK Lord.  Let's work on this.

The Bible, the Word of God contained in 66 amazing books, overflows with power to guide, encourage and strengthen us.  Let's get a sampling to see what it says about our issue of the day, "trust":

• Psalm 91:2 - I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
• Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.
• Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
• Romans 15:13 - May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

God reminded me of another time I needed to trust Him.

A while back, a seemingly perfect new job opportunity came my way during a time of difficult leadership with an employer.  Several people recommended me for the position.  My years of personal and professional experience was perfect for what they were looking for.  It paid a little less than the job I had, but I was willing to make a "quality of life" move.  I prayed, took a chance and sent my resume in.  An HR rep would e-mail one of their staffers who recommended me that they couldn't even consider my resume.  The one pre-requisite they felt they couldn't do without, which had absolutely nothing to do with the job, was a 4 year degree and I was a college drop out.  In an instant, I felt insignificant and regretted my decision to have left school years earlier.  But if God wanted me to have that job, I would have had that job, just like I got a previous job requiring a degree.  Surely the door was shut for a reason.  I prayed, feeling a little trapped where I was and gave my employment concerns to God.  Several months later, leadership changed for the better where I was working. The position I applied for months earlier, which they never filled, was completely eliminated, leaving other folks I respected out of work.  WOW!  God knew what was coming and He protected me.  Maybe we need to look at these trials of ours, big and small, with different eyes.

When we embrace the challenges we face and just submit to God our 100% of every area in our lives, He'll bring our trust, peace, faith and joy to new heights.  When we make a conscious decision to say "yes" to Jesus, radical things happen, regardless of what we're going through in life.  2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Just to note, two days after my last transfusion, Lou and I had our fun day out at Cha An, one of our favorite little tea houses in Manhattan.  God knew the port and transfusion had to be dealt with before we could have a good time out together, and so that I could also enjoy an uneventful treatment day this week.